Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone OldEggNewTricks @lemmy.blahaj.zone 2d ago

I bought a bra. Help!

Um. So. I've been wearing a lot of tight sweaters recently and starting to show a bit too much nipple, so I bought some bras. Why just now? I guess I felt I didn't really "deserve" one, or I'd be "dressing up", or something, and wanted to wait for a good reason. Or two :3

Anyway, it's super comfortable, the padding really helps with sensitivity, and I looove what it does for my silhouette. BUT. I've been dressing somewhat androgynous up till now to give my hair / face time to catch up, and to me at least this is a big step into "this person is obviously dressing fem (wearing a bra)" territory. Which is kind of scary.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here, sorry. I like presenting fem; I want to be perceived as fem; but I guess I'm kind of scared I look like a man in drag? Is anybody actually going to notice?

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There is a point where you can't really boy-mode anymore, and I admit that can feel really scary. You could try binding if you really have to keep boy-moding, but I'm not sure this is as mentally healthy as leaning into more feminine presentation (which is more affirming anyway). I guess it depends on whether you have socially transitioned or if you are closeted still.

If you can feminize, here are some ways I've approached feminizing to survive those awkward, early days of HRT:

voice training (e.g. 1, 2),

establishing a daily skin-care routine including wearing sunscreen every day and UV protection (1),

getting eyebrows waxed professionally,

seeing a skilled hairdresser and learning to take care of your hair and style it to look nice every day,

learning how to feminize your face with makeup without looking like you're wearing makeup (e.g. 1, 2),

gaining and losing weight to redistribute fat in feminine patterns,

feminizing your body with certain exercises (e.g. 1, 2),

learning how to shop and dress to accentuate and hide all the right parts of your body (e.g. 1, 2).

Guides / writeups like this can be helpful: https://web.archive.org/web/20230520181719/https://old.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/13n21h7/my_tips_on_how_to_pass/

There are so many resources it can be a bit of information overload, but as always feel free to ask me anything. ☺️

EDIT: also, congrats - welcome to being a woman! 🤗 ❤️
- Thanks, I think you hit the nail on the head there. I've been coasting a bit recently and this was a bit of a "you're really doing this, right?" moment. Not really trying to boy-mode, but at the same time kind of reluctant to come out to the wider world. Although the idea of not doing it seems worse so... here goes, I guess?
  
  And thank you for all the links!
  
  It can be really scary, coming out and esp. being so visibly trans, but I promise you it gets easier over time and it won't always be this hard. As the estrogen does its thing your body will change and eventually people will start to see you as a woman even when you're not expecting it. Just give yourself grace and have patience for this process. Beginning to change my voice was also quite anxiety producing for me, as it felt like performing in front of people, but that too gets easier with practice and time.
  
  It's the worst right now, it only gets better. ❤️

13 comments