These apps seem to encourage ‘transactional’ behaviour.
Less so in my experience irl.
Best formula someone gave me was: get involved with something you enjoy, a club or activity.
Meet people through this.
Get to know them with the pressure off (as you’re enjoying whatever the activity is).
Meet people through activities to form proper relationships, was his take.
I’d love to know if this has actually worked for someone.
Met my husband playing an MMORPG. It grew naturally from regular chatting in guild to hanging out and doing random stuff in-game together to feelings. We've been married for over 15 years now.
The trick was that neither of us was looking for romance and treated each other as friends until we gradually came to realize we really liked each other's company more than a friendly amount. I think that's the thing a lot of people get wrong; people get so worried about their love lives that they forget to just treat others as people instead of as potential partners.
Yes.
I met my now-wife playing D&D. I created a new group a friend asked if his friend could come. Turned into watching Babylon 5 together outside of the game.
Doesn't work for me. When I'm enjoying my activities it is just that, not being there with a plan B the back of my mind. I get that this is not what you are saying, but I find it more comforting to keep dating and activities separated.
It's not that you go in with the plan to date. You meet people through activities, maybe hang out with them outside of those activities. Meet their friends, have parties, socialize, and through all that you meet more people and maybe hit it off with someone and date.
It worked for me. My wife and I met in a student group in college. Although, that wasn't my motivation for joining the group.
I could definitely see this strategy being more viable in a college setting where everyone is meeting new people and forming new friendships than in general sports clubs etc.
I've only ever met one person through dating apps that I got anywhere with, but over the past year or so I've been making a more concerted effort to keep my social life busy, and I meet people through other people, and those people like me. Works!