Please hit the subscribe button!

This doesn't quite work because subscriptions are voluntary and taxes are anything but.

For non rich people I mean.

Taxes are the paid tier, if you want to live in the premium parts of the country. You can go with the free tier, but that’s prison.
- Prison is more like getting your account suspended for not paying
Paying taxes is voluntary, filing isn't. At least for the US.

My retirement plan: wait for the zombie apocalypse. No rent, no taxes, no cubicles.

So basically that new anime Zom 100...https://myanimelist.net/anime/54112/Zom_100__Zombie_ni_Naru_made_ni_Shitai_100_no_Koto

Nah, its not free, all those years of time you lost with your parents while they worked was the trade as a child. Becoming a latch-key kid and the life-long childhood trauma of that is the trade.

Yep, ask an orphan how free it is.
I think being a latchkey kid is a lot better than having helicopter parents. And what fucking trauma are you talking about? Did you not make friends?

Tell me you're first world white without telling me you're first world white

A pretty safe assumption on English speaking parts of the Internet.
Wtf. Is everyone in the first world white?!?
?? What does race have to do with this

Too bad you can't move to another country and have a second childhood 😢

Something something Neverland Ranch

And just like paid subscriptions, all of the money (in the US, anyway) goes to the rich people in charge.

Hey some of it goes to poorly pay all the middle managers and beurocrats

And you can't unsubscribe! Also the subscription service wants you dead or enslaved!

I can't tell whether we're just pretending for the joke that that's anything like what taxes do, and the possibility that we aren't makes me depressed

It kinda is though? I recommend people shop around and find a country that they enjoy, then they won’t mind paying taxes.
- • If I stop paying taxes, they won't remove me from the country, for starters. If I steal enough from them, they may make double-sure I remain a customer for the next several years.
  
  • If I make little to nothing and can't afford ~~a subscription~~ taxes, they pay me.
  
  • Their free version works pretty much just like their paid version. People who pay wish they didn't and people who don't would kill for the opportunity.
  
  • Not everyone gets the same experience, even among people in the same bracket. (Alabama roads)
  
  • The government doesn't mind if I share my citizenship, as long as I say I really like that person.
  
  • Even if they're not supposed to be using the ~~service~~ country, extra sneaky ones still pay taxes, sometimes in the hopes of being legally permitted to continue paying.

not with that attitude

(we commit a little tomfoolery 😉)