Yeah, this is wildly inappropriate. When I play board games with my kids, I find Old Fashioneds are the ideal way to deliver that numbing hit of booze. Wine requires too much fluid volume per unit alcohol, and the red varietals can stain your games.
I hear you on this, but I have come to appreciate that my dreams are not always limited like my real world is. When I had cancer, it got really bad. I could not speak for months. I could barely walk. The constant pain, even on a hefty dose of opioids, was all consuming. Just watching TV took too much energy, so I stared blankly at the wall while my family tried to carry on around me.
But in my dreams? In my dreams I was still me. Once I fell asleep, I could talk, laugh, run, and have the freedom I had lost in life. I could play with my kids. I could spend time with my friends. I could exist without pain.
None of it was real, and in the beginning I cried when I woke up, but the dreams kept coming. It didn't matter if my real life was not worth living - my dream life carried me. Waking up stopped being a sad thing and instead became what falling asleep used to be. It was a transition to the less interesting part of my life.
I am better now, but I am not the man I was before I got sick. In my dreams, though? The pain is still gone. My energy has returned. My waking life is worth living again, but my dream life is freedom from the shackles of my body.
I am sorry your dreams hurt you. Maybe the day will come that the pain they bring you now becomes a blessing. I hope in time you and your dream life make peace.
Good documentation should, in part, tell people where to click. I have designed software documentation for high performing individuals at leading global companies, and I have designed software and hardware documentation for minimum wage fast food workers with limited English proficiency. In both extremes, I showed them exactly where to click on the screen at each step.
You might not need that level of help, but many people do. Others do not strictly need it, but they prefer the simple instruction set. "Click here then here," instructions ease the transition into a new system one needs to learn, or it removes the need entirely to learn a system one uses infrequently.
The problem is that making good documentation is difficult and time consuming. It relies on a fundamentally different skill set than coding or even UI design.
I agree that the ideal is for software to not need any documentation. In my experience, I have yet to see software that rises to that task and is used across a variety of experience levels and societal cross sections.
On the other hand, I very much appreciate knowing which celebrities support an administration that poses a threat to my family. I will not vote for someone based on a celebrity endorsement, but the celebrity may gain or lose my business over it.
I really liked Kid Rock in his early days. The music was catchy, and it had the right mix of redneck, rock, and rap to make this country boy happy. Now I won't listen to him because he chose to openly throw in with politicians who do not care if their policies and rhetoric kill my friends or kids.
Because it is wrong.
I am not judging sexual practices. I am judging those who choose to betray their partner. Here is the person he is most committed to in this world, the person who expects undying loyalty in exchange for the same in return, and he is seemingly shitting all over that vow.
If you only care about practicality, then consider that one will not care for the people in general if they cannot care for those closer to them. Honesty and compassion mean nothing to this man.
I wear a Tilley Airflo pretty much any time I am outside.
I need a wide broom to protect my eyes from the sun (early cataracts). I need a hat that is useful for outdoor fun but also looks good around town. I do not want to worry about rain or have a lot of upkeep.
I wash my Tilley in the machine. I get compliments everywhere I go. It works great on the trail, and looks great paired with a sport coat for a country-boy-on-the-town sort of look. I can't recommend that hat enough.
They want my wife and children dead. If they are near my family, they pose an existential threat. I will leave saving the proverbial souls of neo Nazis to others. I am interested in establishing that my family is off limits and dangerous for them to so much as look at.
Would I throw a punch at a confirmed Nazi? Without hesitation.
Some people learn to shed the racism from their heart and become better people. Some will only get so far as keeping quiet because they are afraid. There will always be severely racist people. It is just as important that they feel unequivocally unwelcome as it is to change those who will change.
You know what? It's been pretty good.
I am recovering well from rotator cuff surgery with much more range of motion at this point than typical. My youngest had a hard start of the week at school but has turned it around. My oldest ran in his first cross country meet - he came in dead last, and though he is extremely disappointed he has no intentions of quitting. He and I grabbed burgers and an appetizer sampler at the local pub to boost his spirits, and it was more like hanging out with a younger friend than with my kid. Tonight is a date night with my wife, which means we will get high and order takeout once the kids are in bed.
We have plenty of hard times, but this is a good week.
I care very much. Please read everything I wrote. The system is broken, and we need to fix it. In the meantime, since we must live within the broken system, it is wise to do a thorough cost/benefit analysis before accepting any job. Not everyone can do that, but some can.
We play pretty conservative baseball when it comes to personal finances. We have a smaller house further from the city than my wife's peers at work. We buy cars that meet our needs, but our wants are frequently compromised in search of the lowest total cost of ownership. We make no major purchases without real research first. Our kids have not been to Disney, but they will hopefully be able to go to the college of their choice without a mountain of debt when the time comes.
We are very lucky, but most people that merch our income are not actually in as stable a place as we are. That stability comes from good decisions.
That is a good point. We are not paying monthly premiums. Again, over the years we have chosen our employers very carefully. To be clear, we are lucky to have been in the place to do so.
That said, we also did very well when I was a public high school teacher. The pay was awful, but the health insurance we had was better than my wife could get at most corporate jobs at the time. We now use my wife's corporate benefits because my family's needs have placed me as a stay-at-home dad for several years. Once she got in with a company that actually values its employees, we made the decision to stick it out.
I live in the US and was born here. This is true of my wife as well.
I hate to say it because I know how bad many people have it here, but our health care experiences have been excellent. IVF? We paid a few grand by the end of everything, but that's it - most of the cost was one hormone in particular. My cancer that almost killed me? We paid $15 co-pays for doctor appointments and physical therapy appointments, nothing for any treatments (radiation, chemo, surgeries, hydration, etc.), and about $15 co-pays for each prescription medication. My upcoming rotator cuff surgery? I'll pay similar to the cancer. Regular in-home therapy services for our children with special needs? Free.
This was not by accident or dumb luck. My wife and I have always chosen jobs in large part based on benefits in general and health insurance in particular. We may not make as much money on paper as job hoppers and those who chase the highest number on their paychecks. Do you know what we do have? No medical debt. Great parental leave. More vacation time than most. A legal plan that paid to set us up with every estate planning and life management document one could need.
So it's hard. Our system is fucking broken - too many people cannot get the care they need, or they go into debt to get it. It needs to be fixed. That said, I also have friends who just made shitty choices. They actively chose direct income over benefits. They gambled and some of them lost.
We need to fix US healthcare in or much every way. In the meantime? My wife and I choose to play the game by the rules as they are currently written, and we play with intent to win.
I send Independence Day and to tell them it is a documentary. Now they know not to fuck with us.
'Democrats have a plan'
She lost me right there. As a Democrat, I feel confident in stating that we have never had such a thing.
It is a truth so old that Will Rogers was cracking jokes about it 100 years ago.
Oh, I see your mistake. Those are Samsung fridges. Nothing has a shorter lifespan than a Samsung fridge. Since there are two they will die together to maximize the inconvenience factor, and they thus must be clicked simultaneously. That is the only way a fake Samsung fridge could mimic the frustration caused by a real one.
Before the election we will be preparing bugout bags for my nuclear family and establishing concrete plans to flee.
After the election, if Trump wins we will monitor and be ready. At the first sign of trouble we get out of dodge. I have the ability to get EU citizenship for my family if need be. In the meantime, my wife and I have skills that can get us the privilege to move into some countries based on their employment needs.
My family and I would have reasons to be targeted by white nationalists if they felt empowered. I have received semi-threatening letters from such people in the past.
I hate that we have to think this way, but we do.
Each kid and wifey could have individual Daddy/hubby attention at the same time. My yard and home would look immaculate because my ADHD task burnout could be overcome by calling in a new helper.
I could probably make bank and help improve the lot of humanity by allowing my duplicates to go through controlled medical and scientific testing.
At some point one of me would figure out how to leverage this ability for the absolute betterment of humankind. That would probably become a driving mission for the collective me at that point.
Daily alcohol: blunts my emotional pain, causes awful feelings in my stomach, does damage to multiple organ systems, is physically addictive, and gives you a hangover the next day.
Daily THC and other cannabinoids consumed via edibles: blunts my emotional pain, blunts my physical pain, has a minor effect on working memory when used over years that does not further inhibit cognitive ability or motivation, is not physically addictive, and has no impact on the next day.
Used to self medicate in vaguely controlled doses, it is a no-brainer. MJ is not perfect by any means, but it is world better than booze for frequent users.
My children have received autism-specific therapy and learned key NT social skills from it. I am happy to share my understanding of their experience, but I would ask permission first since this question was directed at autistic people and my official role in the family as dad and husband is being "the most neurotypical one."
Edit to add: they have learned skills that help them navigate life, including life in a NT dominant world. I hesitate to label them as NT skills because they are used by my autistic children and maybe the actual skill is approached differently, but that is probably pedantic.
Thank you. I don't have notes handy, but my deadlift was around 360 lbs. for 8-12 when I was last training it directly. A few health-related issues have sidelined my lifting for a couple months (post-cancer life sucks sometimes), but I am cleared to get back into the gym next week!
My legs are where I really shine, with my calculated one rep max for the sled press up in the mid 800s and working sets in the 600s. That is my lift where people stop and look twice.
Selecting a CFP - not just the basics
How would you go about selecting a Certified Financial Planner?
My wife and I are financially successful adults, but we need guidance with the next steps, including:
- Private equity co-investment
- College savings for children with special needs who may or may not attend university
- Retirement savings beyond the standard 401k and IRA options
- The tax ramifications of all of the above
My friends are generally not at this level of planning needs, so those who have worked with a CFP have had only much more basic questions. We have known plenty of financial advisers over the years who just give bad advice or canned advice. I expect our needs will become more complex over the next decade.
How do we find a quality CFP who can help with the above? What is a reasonable price to pay for this help?
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!
U.S. bans noncompete agreements for nearly all jobs
The Federal Trade Commission narrowly voted Tuesday to ban nearly all noncompetes, employment agreements that typically prevent workers from joining competing businesses or launching ones of their own.
Edibles in Las Vegas
We are going to Vegas, and Wifey and I want to wander around like stoned idiots looking at all the pretty lights. You know, like reasonable people.
Is it a big deal to pop a gummy in public in Las Vegas? They make a big deal about no public use, but I'm assuming a gummy won't be a big deal like smoking would be. We do this in other legal places all the time, but I have no idea which activities are and are not clamped down on in Vegas.
While we are at it, can you recommend any fun stoned activities in Las Vegas?
Steak bomb with shishito peppers!
Why is it a steak bomb and not a cheesesteak?
- It has mushrooms and bell peppers added
- I live in New England, not Pennsylvania
This was a great way to use up the last of my leftover prime rib.
Prime rib, pommes puree inspired by American loaded potatoes, and maple butter carrots with cinnamon and nutmeg
The prime rib was roasted at 200° F to 123° internal temperature and then reverse seared.
The pommes puree had some of the butter replaced with rendered bacon fat. Then fresh mini mozzarella balls and chives were added.
The carrots are pretty much as described.
My boys declared the potatoes to be the hit of the night, which I get. Dang are they rich!
Berries Belinda - a trifle for Easter
Today I made Berries Belinda - my own adaptation of Heaven on Earth Cake.
It is an angel food cake trifle with sour cream vanilla pudding, pureed strawberry sauce, mixed fresh berries, and Cool Whip. The recipe really needs Cool Whip or a similar whipped topping because whipped cream will not hold up for the 8+ hours this needs for the flavors and textures to marry.
Why is it named Berries Belinda? In return I ask, "Do you know what that's worth?"
Cinnamon Roll Sundae - When my high ass has a good idea, it has a REALLY good idea
Yeah, it's a Pillsbury Grands cinnamon roll topped with Ben & Jerry's Churray for Churros ice cream, salted caramel, and whipped cream.
I mean, this stuff is life.
French Onion Mac and Cheese
This French Onion Mac and cheese is from the New York Times. I used the recipe at the link below with the following changes:
- Caramelized the onions traditionally, not with their process. Maybe their way works, but I don't trust it. I have never found a shortcut that works for carmelizing onions.
- Toasted lightly baguette slices before rubbing with garlic.
- Deglazed the pan with a few glugs of white wine, not 2 Tbsp vinegar.
The dish is exactly as advertised - a supremely decadent macaroni and cheese with a strong caramelized onion flavor. The gruyere is pronounced and only adds to the luxurious taste (and price).
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1020547-french-onion-macaroni-and-cheese
Modular tool storage recommendation for ADHD adult?
What modular tool storage system would you recommend?
I have many tools for many different DIY and home improvement projects. My ADHD means I am just awful at maintaining long term organization of those tools. I want to use a system where I can have a box for each discrete activity or tool type. That way I can take out only the boxes I need and then or those tools away immediately when I am done. I don't mean bring them back to the workshop and put them away, but instead have their mobile tool box be the thing that is also used for long term storage.
For example, I might have the following boxes ready to go:
- Everyday box - screw drivers, allen keys, hammer, rubber mallet, speed square, torpedo level, pencil, sharpie, blue masking tape, etc.
- Basic electrical - multimeter, insulated tools, electrical tape, assorted common wire nuts, wire stripper, etc.
- Painting - assorted brushes, rollers, roller covers, and masking tapes as well as a painters multi tool, roller tray, hand held paint bucket, sanding sponges, etc.
- Drill - cordless drill, drill bits, screw driver bits
- Driver and rachet - cordless impact driver, impact bits, hand rachet, rachet bits
- Pocket hole - my various Kregg products
- More as needed
If I am going to paint a doorway, I can grab the painting box. If the wall needs repair, I can grab the painting and drywall boxes. If I am hanging pictures, I can grab the everyday box and the drill box if I am using screw anchors. This should make cleanup easier, because picking up the job location is also getting things sorted to go back in storage. That second part is my weakness.
What system would you use for this? I feel like a system that includes both wall storage and multiple bin types would be best, but I am open. I want to use the same general storage system for other DIY hobbies as well, so I would rather not break the bank.
If it matters, all of my cordless tools are DeWalt. My electric yard tools, though unlikely to factor in, and Kobalt.
Any and all recommendations are welcome. Alternative thoughts are welcome. How would you approach this?
Completed mountain feature wall for son's bedroom
This is the mountain feature wall in my son's new bedroom. The mountains are made from 1x2 boards cut at angles to length, nailed onto the wall, filled where needed with wood putty, sanded, caulked, and painted. The boards for the top mountains have a rabbet cut along their length to conceal an LED ...
It took longer than I wanted, but my son's room is done! Many thanks to the folks here who shared their thoughts on wall repair and LED strips. This project took longer than I wanted, but every step was done right.
Most people who make geometric mountain walls seem to use boards at 45°, but that would have looked awful with the 36° ceiling slope. Matching the cut angles was much harder this way - lots of math and some jigs on my miter saw - but I like this look more. It feels more like the White Mountains where we vacation as a family
The Pinterest examples my wife sent me for inspiration all out up the boards with construction adhesive. These are put up with 2.5" finishing nails into studs, filled, sanded, and caulked before painting. This feature is permanent, but it can be removed like any trim without tearing down the drywall as well.
I had the notion to hide an LED strip in the upper mountains to create a sunrise effect. The actual lights are much more subtle than it looks in the pictures. I wish I knew how to get better photos of LED setups. Of course he can make the LED strips do rainbow zoomies and other such delightful nonsense because he is 11.
Our goal was to make something that will appeal to him now and as he gets older. I think we hit the nail on the head with that, but we will see in time.
Thank you again to everyone who shared their thoughts as I built this.
Mountain feature wall in child's bedroom
My project is going slowly, but I finished building and painting the feature wall in my son's new bedroom. Now I just need to install and program the LED strip along the top!
My wife got the idea to do a geometric mountain feature wall from Pinterest. I am really happy with this outcome and feel I did a better job than the influencer DIYers who did similar projects that inspired this one. Giving the mountains a 36° slope to match the roof line was a pain in the butt, but the end effect was worth it.
Thanks to everyone here who helps with thoughts on patching wall cracks and LED lighting methods. I'll share photos of the full room once it is complete.
Edit to add: The wall is actually a mildly dark blue-green. Between bad natural light and my phone's camera's limitations, this is the best I can get for now. The mountains are not actually black.
Can you recommend an LED strip light that can have an unlighted break in it?
I am putting a mountain feature wall in my son's new bedroom.
Starting on the right, I want to run LEDs along the topmost mountains, switch to unlit cord/wire to go around the window, and then run another set of LEDs along the topmost mountain on the left. This should give a nice sunrise effect.
Do you know of an LED kit that can do this?
Thank you!
What is the best way to fix cracks before repainting
I am renovating my son's bedroom and trying to make the walls as nice as is reasonable before repainting. There are a few cracks like this in the paint. It looks like on top of the drywall there is paint, wallpaper, and then a few more layers of paint. The cracks could be at the seams of the drywall from expansion and contraction. They could be at the seams of the wallpaper. They could be something else. Most of the cracks come straightish down below the sides of windows, which makes me think drywall seams.
I gouged out one crack and filled it with joint compound to see how that works. Since the drywall is old, it was really hard to tell if this is at a drywall seam or not - there are places where previous work, maybe mouse damage, and who knows what else has made the drywall crumble from behind. These are the joys of an older house!
How would you handle this?
Cheeseburger soup!
I found the recipe online, and we topped it with potato chips, pickles, and green onions. I'll be danged if it doesn't taste like a cheeseburger.
I'm happy to share a link to the recipe and my mods if anyone wants it.
------------- Edit to add the recipe:
You can find the original recipe here: https://therecipecritic.com/cheeseburger-soup/
I made the following changes:
- No dried parsley - it is not very flavorful
- No dried basil - my family only likes it fresh
- 3 cups of potato, not 4 just because I was so sick of putting and fixing potatoes
- I used 6 oz. Velveeta and 8 oz. shredded mild cheddar for cheese - I wanted the emulsifiers in the Velveeta and also some real cheese; sharp cheddar would be good too, but my family does not like strong cheese
- Instead of 3/4 tsp. salt, I used 1 tsp. season salt too make up for the missing herbs
- No sour cream because my wife does not like it. It is completely unnecessary from a thickening perspective.
- I don't drain the ground beef. I just scoop it out of the pan and use the beef fat to cook my veggies. Why remove a flavorful fat to then add another for cooking? I was going to not use this extra butter in the recipe, but then I threw it in my roux because I am not a smart man. Or I love butter. The first is what actually happened, but the second is not really a lie.
For toppings, I had potato chips, diced kosher dill pickle, and green onions. The chips add crunch and a little fried/browned flavor. The pickles brighten the dish and drive home the cheeseburger flavor. The green onions add a little vegetal flavor and a mouth feel similar to lettuce.
I made a double batch, and it will feed my family of 4 for two dinners or more. This is a heavy soup.
Prime rib with all the fixings
Standing rib roasts were on sale on Thursday with a big snow storm coming on Sunday. The solution? Prime rib dinner! My family needed a nice meal, and I was happy to give them a Sunday dinner they loved.
The roast got a simple kosher salt dry brine - 1/2 tsp./lb. - on Thursday night. On Sunday I roasted it at 250° until it hit 125° internal temp. I let it rest while I roasted my squash, and then I seared it in the often at 500° for maybe 10 minutes.
The delicata squash was tossed with grape seed oil, salt, and brown sugar. Then I roasted it on parchment paper laid out with no overlap. I did 450° for maybe 40 minutes? I don't really know - I just saw when they got soft, flipped them, and pulled them when they started to brown and char a little.
I boiled maybe 2 lbs. red potatoes in salted water and mashed them with 6 Tbsp. butter, 4 Tbsp. half and half, and 4 slices of thick cut bacon (cooked and chopped). Then I added maybe 2 Tbsp. chopped fresh chives, several grinds of black pepper, and 8 oz. fresh mozzarella pearls right before serving.
The green beans got 5 minutes of steam and then were tossed with lots of butter and salt.
The horseradish sauce recipe can be found here: https://natashaskitchen.com/horseradish-sauce-recipe/
Tamago gohan - delightful on a cold winter morning
Raw egg from my birds beaten into steaming hot rice until it is frothy? Eating it while watching my kids sled in the back yard? Sign me up!
What is the focus of the Weightlifting sub?
Ok, there are about 100 of us here. What is the goal of this sub? Is it exclusively for Olympic style weightlifting? Is it for any of us who pick things up and put them down for strength and/or aesthetics? Is there another goal?
I would love to be part of an active resistance training community. Is that what we want here?