I have a Fairphone 4 with LineageOS - it's a couple years old now but runs great. The headphone jack situation was an issue for me too, but I bought a USB-C -> 3.5mm converter for a few euros which now lives in my headphones case, and honestly, it doesn't bother me. Don't let that small point keep you from a good device.
I appreciate that - exactly this is something I've been working on, and a lot of the time it's fairly successful. But this is the ADHD curse - it's all too easy to feel rejected and lonely because on this occasion I have no plans with anyone. The negative thoughts manage to persist much longer than the positive.
The Now always takes precedence, always dominates.
Happy belated birthday! That sucks - I know. I've been struggling this weekend with that perpetual loneliness. I have friends in this city, live with several in fact, but all too often when the weekend comes around everyone has made plans without me and I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night watching shows. It's easy to interpret it as a judgement on myself, that I'm somehow not sufficient ( which I did for years before my diagnosis). It's still not easy, and if I had an answer for you on how to deal with it I'd be a much happier person.
I try to let it just wash past me, accept that we have different patterns which often leaves these large gaps. With a couple of major exceptions, I've learned the only people I can rely on socially are other ND folk - and we're infamously flaky to start with!
I can't really offer advice, but know that you're not alone, it's not just you.
When it hit me, it hit me like a truck. I was diagnosed around 35, and after bouncing through the relief, euphoria, and anger (pretty much as OP described them) I was hit with a crushing sense of loss - I literally felt as though someone close to me had died - but who? I was fortunately in therapy as part of my diagnosis, and it took the doctor to say "Who died? You did." for me to understand. The person I lived my entire life as had ceased to exist - that was a very unhappy person, constantly struggling, constantly suffering for reasons they couldn't see. But it was me, and now they were gone. It was a brutal experience, but it gave me the freedom to start redefining my life.
Australian politician with some decidedly fascist tendencies. He's exactly the monster he looks like
Fuck off with that shit. ACAB
This all rings incredibly familiar to me. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, mid 30s. Like you, I didn't want to be labelled, I was skeptical of medication, of being judged or ostracised.
But the liberation of learning that I wasn't broken, wasn't useless and lazy, that there was a reason for all of the things tearing me apart every day, was indescribable. Just getting the diagnosis did so much for my outlook and approach to life.
And the meds. I took the first baby dose and it was like the sun came out for the first time in 30 years. They didn't make me 'normal', didn't take away any part of my 'self', it was more like opening valves in my mind which had never been more than a quarter open before. Ever drive a car with a couple of cylinders not firing? Get those sparkplugs replaced and see what it does. Full throttle is amazing.
I don't tell people I have a diagnosis unless I think it's relevant. But I can be more honest and open about my peculiarities than I could before - and noone cares! Diagnosis, medication, these are between you and your doctor. But if it gives you the freedom to live the way you want, it's all worth it.
Not a woman, but every word here strikes home. Noone cares that you're breaking until you break.
Have you read the articles of the genocide convention?
I'd laugh if I wasn't living this every day. The squiggle is uncomfortably accurate.
Oh and as mentioned below, rock climbing/bouldering is fucking great. Go hang out at a gamified problem solving gym and you will exercise til you wish you could make yourself stop.
My method for hacking my brain is wakeup exercise. Finding a short exercise which I can do faster than I can talk myself out of it. I started with 5 pushups. That's all. A tiny number, 10 sec exercise which I do as I get out of bed in the morning.
The important part is not to "push the envelope" or whatever. The amount of exercise should be small enough that it doesn't bother you. And only do the exercise today. Don't think about yesterday, don't think about tomorrow. You only have to exercise once. Today. Easy. 10sec, 30sec, whatever. Then move onto whatever weird and cool shit you wanna do with the rest of your day knowing that you have exercised.
I feel like I'm cheating, cos it's so simple yet so effective. I now do a lot more than 5 pushups, but the concept hasn't changed.
I literally said "Neo-liberal" in my comment. Please work on your reading comprehension before cursing out your fellow lemmings.
Neo-liberal is a political ideology based around free-market capitalism. Reagan and Thatcher are good examples. Pretty right wing economically, theoretically socially agnostic, but experience shows that neo-libs will happily leverage bigotry to fulfil their policy goals.
Libs in this meme comes from a leftist perspective. Anyone who supports capitalist society or ideology is considered at a minimum to be a liberal.
I've been running a NC server for a couple of years now.
- This is more complicated than it sounds - if you leave the server in sleep mode it may be possible to wake it with a "magic packet" ping, which comes with a new layer of complexity if you want it to be automated. I gave up in the end and just leave mine running - the little power draw to keep the little PC on seemed worth the trouble saved.
- You can access it from anywhere if you have the server open to the internet. ( ie port forwarding through your router) . This gives you just a raw IP address on the open-side ( http://123.456.12.34 for example) which has all sorts of problems from technical to security: many services won't work with just an IP address, and without https protocol your connection is vulnerable to malicious activity. I started with just a raw IP address, but after some time shelled out for a domain name (10EUR/yr). This allowed me to access all services like music streaming, and to install security certs for proper https.
It sounds like a lot, but you can incrementally upgrade your system step by step and learn as you go.
Plus one to this - I bought one of these early this year and it's a gamechanger. I take my keys everywhere, and I can fit a day's worth comfortably.