It's been 2 years since I've had stomach issues, especially puking. 2 years ago I went to the ER and they didn't even care I went home with a prescription to check my liver but a doctor didn't even examine me. At the time I was smoking which I thought was the cause back then, but then I kept puking since I stopped (I am still cigarettes free, no vape, no nicotine, no weed, no anything) and feeling something weird in my stomach. My liver results came back okay. Then at my second go to the ER 1 year ago the doctor said I might have an ulcer because of the meds I take and go check with my GP to have an appointment I said to her my GP was brushing off my problems saying they came from my weight gain so she wrote a letter to him but : My GP didn't really care and brushed it off again and gave me anti reflux medication.

I said that to my psychiatrist she pretended not to understand saying "well none of the medication I give you cause puking" (I am on a lot of meds)

Yesterday since 3 days ago I was puking pink, signs of blood. I called the ER to know if it was an emergency or if I could wait for the December 4th, the appointment with my doctor. They told me to find a doctor today, which I did. He told me the blood is irritation since I've been puking a lot but the puking might come from my meds and I should stop them for a while to see if that's really the problem. He is the second doctor suggesting my meds are causing my gastrointestinal problems, I don't even know how to bring this up with my psychiatrist because she didn't listen to me the first time and I am sure she would be against stopping my meds for a while. The thing is in my country she is a part of a free mental health hospital and I can't afford to go to another psychiatrist. I don't know how to taper off healthily myself but man I am tired of this system where nobody takes me seriously.

I bought a property near a church, about 30 meters. When I bought it and years before the bells were "off" and it's barely used.

Since a year they fixed the bell and clock and now it starts at 05:30 in the morning, 08:00, 11:00, 12:00, 01:00 and 18:00

For each 5 minutes very loud.

I talked with the people who work at the church and said it is a huge issue for me, especially cause I work nights.

They don't care and refuse to make it quieter and won't reduce the length of each time it starts the bells.

Long story short: I am in therapy since a year because I have a huge debt, I can't move away and I can't sleep anymore. I have no idea what I can do with my life I am afraid I am going to get even more mentally ill than I am now. Selling is also now no more option, who would buy a place where you can't fall asleep or if you fall asleep you wake up by massive bell noise.

The only time I sleep is when I can afford vacation twice a year...

My therapist wrote my insurance and they are thinking of giving me the oppertunity to sleep somewhere else for one to two weeks every three months. They will pay for it, but this can't be the solution?!

I wrote this some moments ago, trying to describe what I was feeling. Sometime I get in this state where I'm anxious af but I'm also sort of calm. I don't really know how to explain it.

> I feel like I have to keep myself together. Slow movements, short steps, a bit crooked, I tremble. My muscles are tense. Every problem I can think about is solvable, and yet I have this feeling that there's something big I'm missing. What if I get something wrong? It's the end. > I feel like I'm falling to pieces. I'm going on by dint of duty: I have to send that email, I have to eat. I finish something and there is always something else, and it always has a deadline. > I feel like I have to keep myself together.

I'm hesitant to describe my mental state... it hasn't really changed. I'm miserable. I've been miserable since I was a child. I don't know if it's what clinicians would call depression. Can you be depressed for, essentially, your whole life? I'm experiencing some personal and financial set backs right now, and I'm wondering... I don't feel different. When I'm doing the 'normal' things--working, socializing with relatives, 'hobbies'--I'm still miserable. When I'm unemployed and isolated I feel miserable. I feel stuck. Trust me when I say I don't feel human. I don't relate to others. They appear just like that: others. I have no interest in anything.

I'm chronically stressed for no apparent reason. I feel like people are going to shout at me suddenly, hit me, or otherwise assault me. I feel completely stuck. I'm on antidepressants. I'm on some other medications too. None of it helps. I could be taking placebos. My body really does not respond to them, and the psychiatric appointments are so infrequent due to packed schedules, that it's overwhelmingly disappointing. I wait months to say "they don't work" only to be told "we'll up the dosage". They don't work. I don't feel any different.

Psychologists are a complete waste of time. They nod their head and espouse common sense/platitudes. I always feel worse after seeing one, because it just hammers home the idea that no one can help how I feel. I get it. Only I can do that, but I feel my brain is damaged and it's not functional--I've experienced head traumas, chronic neglect (from years 0-19), and electrocution. Because I wasn't sent to school I don't have an authoritative record of childhood behavioral issues. I relate very much to ADHD symptoms, but everyone is reluctant to allow me to try those medications that might help that disorder. I feel like, as much as I try to explain, they just don't understand my issues. I'm borderline nonfunctional, but because I present groomed, wearing an ironed shirt and slacks, I feel like they don't believe me.

I want a break emotionally. I want to feel something other than an overwhelming sense of misery, disinterest, and hopelessness.

It's all about the range of mood, not the type of mood!

Heyo! Stupid question, but I've been double-guessing myself on this and would love some external input on things.

I've been in group therapy since October (so like, 5 or 6 sessions so far). It's an open mixed group, so people of any type of mental illness are free to come and go. The general aim of the group is Behavioral Therapy and it's led by two psychologists. Sessions consist of a short powerpoint presentation followed by worksheets to be filled out in groups of 3-4 people. Generally I think the topics of the sessions, like time management, emotional regulation, stress management etc. are chosen well and do cover a broad spectrum of knowledge.

But, my issue is that I just get completely emotionally flooded and on edge whenever I go there. Which is normal for me, I start crying every time I get put on the spot about my feelings anyways (I've cried every single time I have ever had to talk to a doctor about anything regarding my mental health). But I kinda assumed it might get better? Like I can choke down the crying for the session at least (if I don't get asked about anything bad), but I always cry on the way back home and it's starting to be pretty distressing. Like I consistently lose the latter half of the day to headaches and recovering, and the amount of times I wake up due to nightmares definitely has gone up significantly since starting therapy.

Another thing is that a new person joined the group, and she has a particularly dramatic inflexion in her voice that sounds exactly like my mother whenever she's fishing for sympathy and being the victim. It's really not this person's fault that they talk like that (she's probably a perfectly fine person!) but I do struggle to not flinch whenever she speaks. Recently we also got put into the same group and I completely zoned out and went unresponsive when she tried talking to me 😅 I didn't mean to offend her really, and I'm not sure why I would react like that, but it just kind of happened..

I'm really trying to work on this kind of emotional reactivity, but the part I'm missing is that within therapy, they've explained the model of [situation -> thought -> action], so being aware of situations that bring you into a specific thought pattern and then re-examining that thought pattern can help shape different actions. I'm neither sure which situations upset me like this nor am I sure what sort of thought would contribute to it, as I don't really have any thoughts when I choke up like that. It just seems like a random bodily reaction that floods me with bad feelings (and I can't even elaborate beyond "bad", even if I know all the emotions I can't really name specifics that I experience).

I know it's dumb, but like, maybe there's a type of therapy that could work better than behavioral therapy? Or do I just need to stick it out and continue going? My insurance has approved weekly sessions until April. There's also the issue that I did get an Adhd diagnosis recently and am currently calling around to find a doctor who is willing to prescribe meds (it's complicated here in Germany). So my struggles might just be an adhd thing?

How have your experiences with therapy been? Are you supposed to feel better after every session? Is it supposed to be bad at first but get better with time?

Edit:

Fuck. I don't want to downplay your suffering if you're American, Arab or Ukrainian, an oppressed minority and/or female (I'm neither) but sometimes I feel like empathy is taking a toll on me. It's a huge weight to add to my mental problems. Thanks for the advice, I'm trying to get my parents on board with the "winding down" on the project while I try to get my mind off things and establish a schedule by trying to work in a help call center (I would have preferred manual labor but they are the only company hiring around that is large and evil enough I don't mind them losing money through my incompetence in the presumably short time I last).

Original comment content below.

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I'm European but after doomscrolling on Lemmy, watching Last Week Tonight etc. I can't keep my calm over the US election, which is not helping my existing depression and suspected ADHD. The only good thing I did today was not eat much (I'm overweight) and 15 minutes of gardening. I can't keep todo lists because I'm really depressed over not having completing any meaningful item for weeks, and not even my long-abandoned passion projects spark joy anymore.

I'm afraid things will go very wrong for my mental state if Trump wins. I have two psychologists and a psychiatrist but I'm only meeting them next week. Please help me get my mind off this and maybe even get something done.

we have created a signal support group to connect a supportive network of people struggling with cptsd, bpd and other forms of trauma. please feel free to vent, trauma dump and be together during tough times 🩷

https://signal.group/#CjQKIDyYlgFaxeDUSqLmJBwWiVzGgbtBC0exF3kew0J4A-3LEhA9q2epnMPa-nL_gmAqa2Xo

we have created a signal support group to connect a supportive network of people struggling with cptsd, bpd and other forms of trauma. please feel free to vent, trauma dump and be together during tough times 🩷

https://signal.group/#CjQKIDyYlgFaxeDUSqLmJBwWiVzGgbtBC0exF3kew0J4A-3LEhA9q2epnMPa-nL_gmAqa2Xo

Basically title

Drugs, alcohol, and now coffee! I've used a variety of substances to self medicate while in a depressed mood. A few years ago I cut out cannabis, and I stay away from using alcohol when I'm down, but I have no limits with coffee. It seems like I can drink as much as I want whenever I want and it doesn't create the same problems it does when my mood is better.