Edit: at risk of preemptively saying "solved" - disabling the QoS on the router bumped the desktop browser speedtest from the ~600 up to >950Mbps.
My internet plan with my ISP is for 1000 Mbps. This is far more than I need almost always, but it is what they say I am paying for. However, I can't get any speed tests to read more than ~650 Mbps, which is around about what my old package was.
My router itself has a speedtest functionality and that is what I'm getting off of that. As I'm writing this post, I did a speedtest on my wired-in desktop and got ~590Mbps on speedtest.net.
One thought I had was that maybe the ethernet cables themselves are the limit. All of them say 'cat5e' (actually, just checked and the modem-to-router is cat6), though, which should be 1000Mbps, yea? I swapped out the cable from the modem to the router once and got the same speed with the new ethernet cable.
Maybe the router is just too weak? Well, I used iperf3 between two desktops that are both hardwired in and I got ~940 "Mbits/sec". Unless I'm messing up the unit conversion (which I certainly am annoyed by the difference between "megabytes per second" and "megabits per second"), that is the 1000Mbps that I'd expect to max out the ethernet cables. So, since those two machines are going through the router, it doesn't seem that the router is the bottleneck for my speed to the great outdoors.
The modem? The modem's specsheet says it can do 2.5Gbps (well, actually I assume there is a funny typo - it says "10/100/1000/2500 Gbps RJ-45 port", but I don't think it is doing 2.5 terrabytes/bits per second). The little led on the modem is lit up the color for "an ethernet device is connected at 2500 Mbps".
So, should I start hassling my ISP about my missing 350 Mbps? Is there some other obvious thing I should test before I hassle them? I certainly don't want them to say "have you turned it off and on again"? (once I wrote that, I did go and unplug the modem and router, stand around for 30 seconds, and then plug in the modem and then the router. after I did that, I got one speedtest from the router at 820Mbps, and then the next two tests are back to ~550).
Edit: I do not have fiber, I have a coax cable coming into the house. The person trying to sell me fiber said "your current internet is shared with the neighbors".
99.9% of the time, you'll never get the FULL speed possible from an ISP, you're just paying for the expected capability. The last mile of delivery to where your house is connected is generally the limiting factor, then the network type at the handoff.
Example:
if you ordered fiber, that's a direct handoff to you, so you'll be getting a guaranteed circuit speed of whatever you pay for (but not always the FULL speed for other limiting factors).
if you ordered coax cable, you're generally going to be on a shared circuit with your neighbor, and the more connections at the handoff means less bandwidth for you. If 5 homes all use tons of traffic constantly, your metered speed will always be less than what you're max potential speed is.
So the best way to test yours is just any old bandwidth testing platform, like speedtest.net or whatever, that has a testing endpoint close to your home.
Now, your bandwidth test may say 650mbps, but that doesn't mean you'll be getting that at all from every place on the Internet. It depends on how close whatever you're talking to is, and what THEIR max speed is. Any network noise or obstacles in the way to you obviously slow things down, just like your travel between two places by driving.
Edit: on your router, that means the ENTIRE switch on all ports can do 2.5Gbps, not each port. Coax can't even go faster than 1Gbps on Docsis 3.0, and 3.1 is 2.5Gbps max in lab conditions.
In Canada from what I've seen it's most often than not +5-10% over the speed you're paying for. For example with a 400mbps plan you will get about 450 when plugged in