Learning to Connect With Friends — Without Alcohol
Learning to Connect With Friends — Without Alcohol
Quitting drinking was the easy part. Figuring out how to be myself was harder.
By the time the entrees came, we’d reached the end of these “so what else is new” updates. I recognized that we were at a threshold — one I had been unable to cross so far without booze.
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We've created an environment where our option is a binary drink, not drink. Non drinkers are treated with suspicion. People who use other drugs are stigmatised. Little wonder sober socialising is problematic.
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I found this was more the case early on into quitting. The author's advice of pushing through the discomfort and saying what you wish you could is perfect. It really helps ratchet up a social engagement into gear. After a while you get used to just speaking your mind, more earnestly than ever before in my case.
Keep it up and you'll be laughing and crying in the pub's booth just like old times, walking home tired and wobbly from oversharing. Yes you'll even cringe at your inability to keep your big mouth closed.
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I've run into similar issues because frankly, the lockdowns of 2020-2023 also shut down my socialization almost completely. I don't share verbally, but only in pseudonymous settings like social media. In real life, I'm either task-focused (up until last month I was going to board games once a week - I've since shut down), taciturn and focused inward, or drunk. I don't share inner thoughts or opinions. I don't care much about what others around me say. The biggest problem for me of sober socializing is mostly that I don't have anyone I'd particularly like to be with, when I'm sober.
Now that I'm in that spiral, I don't see a way back.