Space pirates' ultimate version of walking the plank would be sending their victims into a black hole

Passing the event horizon, spaghettification, and certain death await. Yarrr.

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I thought it'd just be airlocking them
- That's normal space pirate stuff. I'm taking about the extreme space pirating where people tremble at the mention of the name of the pirate because he/she/it black holes them.
  
  So like reavers, but more humane.
  
  I'm not a math boi but I feel like you'd probably run out of air b4 the black hole got you
  
  Weld a cheese grater devise to block the airlick
  
  Just throw them out inside a space suit without any communication devices, if you want them to suffer. Give them some time until oxygen runs out, or they die of thirst, knowing that there will be no help.
  
  Too much delta v
Why waste time and fuel going all the way to the location of a black hole (not to mention that all the radiation near it isn't going to be good for the ship) plust the delta-V to reduce their speed until they actually are not in orbit anymore and fall down into it?

Best just jettison them out of the airlock without a suit in the middle of nowhere.
Black hole haiku: Always falling down Spaghettifing slowly Incompressible
Okay, but hear me out. Space keel hauling. Dress them such that they stay alive for a while in the horrors of space!
- Tie them to the communications mast and give them thirty lashes with orions belt!
  
  Space them in a pressurized suit with their dicks sticking out with a flange/gasket type thing so they ejaculate their whole guts out where their penis used to be!
Okay, but what's the space version of the Boo Box?

16 comments