Better yet, Crows. They'll fuck with someone for generations if you do things right.

Voting, then the vertical #1 for Ulterior?

Turn off their sewer and water too for good measure.

Grats! It's been about the same amount of time for me; going off them was my parents choice though.

GROND!

"Retirement" for me would likely require an 8 digit sum of money and a functioning economy in 40+ years. I don't anticipate having either.

Open as in "spread your cheeks and your wallet" open

And I highly doubt they'll be doing anything more than

A) shoving people over the southern border to Mexico (regardless of ancestry/origin) and shooting at you if you try to return

Or

B) Concentration camps.

Do you want prions in the soil? Because that's how you get prions in the soil/plants

It is against free speech to stop us from fixating on the genitals.

For more evidence of our time-honored journalistic commitment to endangering lives, please see our previous coverage of gay people, immigrants, Black people, and women.

What if doctors are climbing through windows to suture penises to sleeping cheerleaders?

All great journalists, and even those lesser journalists who don’t work for The Onion, eventually ponder why we do what we do. Is the point of reporting to illuminate the world around us, so that we may make meaning of it? Or is it to cause people in minority groups to question their humanity and persuade others to demonize them? We know where we stand, proudly dreaming of genitals.

Fucking hell this is one of their best ones I've read 🤣

I personally feel the same, but I'm still interested in voice training on the grounds of using it to fuck with people 😆

Testosterone fucked me harder than the government as far as my voice goes.

Welcome to the US, we're backwards like that.

WhatsApp ain't much better to be fair (it's Facebook owned, so it has "encryption")

"This is not my beautiful wife"

Instructions unclear, chugged 400MG of caffeine in energy drinks and took a nap.

Same.

Boilers an' terlets, terlets an boilers, even that one boilin terlet.

Fire me iffin' ye dare.

There probably is the occasional farmer using leaded gas in a tractor...

I am become Eep, maker of Z's

GROND!

This is the equivalent of an extremely mild office prank to me, why is this even newsworthy?

"Soldiers do dumb shit when sitting around bored, more at 11"