Asklemmy @lemmy.ml electric_nan @lemmy.ml 9mo ago

Hot and Cold

Does anyone else vacillate between feeling hot (attractive) and repellant?

Some days I feel like all the women around me find me desirable, and other days I feel like none of them do. I rarely feel 'in between'.

I don't really like feeling either extreme. For one thing, I don't trust either feeling! Feeling unattractive is obviously a bad feeling, but feeling ultra attractive is also bad. It leads me to uncomfortable fantasies and an inability to distinguish normal interactions from flirtation.

Does anyone else feel like this?

16 comments

Sure, but I'm also nearly 50 so sometimes I look at myself and think I really should scrape together the money for Botox, and then I catch some guy ogling my tits and wonder what I'm worried about because I don't particularly want male attention in general, because I am OVER it.
- I've never been ogled, but still I can imagine it loses any novelty pretty quickly.
  
  It does. But also relationships do when you're almost 50.
Nope, born a minger, still a minger
- One person's minger is another persons treasure.
I feel it much more depending on my grooming. Not so much in terms of smell, as I take care of that pretty well, but in terms of keeping my hair kempt, and beard trimmed and shaved neatly which I'm often lazy about.
- That could also be part of it for me. I'm that average white dude that's bald with a beard. I definitely feel better with my head and neck freshly buzzed.
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry, no, I always feel pretty much as attractive as I am.

Which is extremely attractive to some people, and average or below average to most other people.

It completely depends on other people for me. I'm not attracted to myself, so my sense of attractiveness also does not come from me.

Which means I do actually "feel" differently attractive. Is this maybe what you're talking about?
I definitely notice that depending on how I'm dressed women will or won't look at me or choose to stand next to me out in public. I've got a jacket that I'm not sure what it signals, but it causes women to much more frequently stand beside me when waiting for the train.
Yes I have this going on. It seems to me that people either desperately want me, or they’re disgusted with me. Nobody seems to just ignore me.
- I'm not even talking about actual external feedback. Like, this is all purely in my head as far as I know.
Dude you need to just talk to humans more. In just normal conversations. Join a book club or something and just join in on discussions. Your view of social environments is a little off.
- Respectfully, that isn't it. I'm a grown person-- mid forties, admittedly neurotic. I have a full time job in an office. I have a small group of close friends, and I've been married for over 20 years. I recognize that this issue I have has to do with my self-image, and that these aren't trustworthy feelings. I'm not under socialized.

16 comments