DAE struggle with the identity of being on the spectrum?
DAE struggle with the identity of being on the spectrum?
I know I am and I believe it, but it still feels foreign to me, maybe because I'm recently diagnosed.
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As a late-diagnosed AuDHD (diagnosed at 31, about 2 years ago now), I still 'struggle' with my identity of being on the spectrum. I have zero doubts but the natural reaction of everyone in my life upon hearing it has been some variation of "no way, I've known you your whole life, you're totally normal" even though these same people have been the ones I compare myself to when I always felt there was something "wrong" or "different" about me.
Now that I know more about myself through the lens of being on the spectrum, so many things make so much more sense and yet at the same time everything feels exactly the same. I'm still the same person I saw myself as before my diagnosis, I simply have a much greater understanding of why I am that way and what makes me tick.
It's a constantly ongoing process -- Our different-ness is always expressing itself in different ways as it clashes with allistic expectations and norms, and that results in a constant journey of self-reflection and new understanding.
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the natural reaction of everyone in my life upon hearing it has been some variation of "no way, I've known you your whole life, you're totally normal"
meanwhile, the same people have instinctively always treated me with kid gloves, as if they subconsciously knew something was up with me but didn't consciously want to admit it
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Yes absolutely. And I’ve had to treat them with kid gloves in the process of opening their eyes to the autism all around them. Both of my parents have come around and accepted it, and are also exploring the possibility they may be on the spectrum as well, but my brothers all give me push back at the thought they might be too. Yeah okay bud.
My extended family is a lost cause. I don’t argue or try to educate, I tell them it’s a fact that I’m diagnosed and it’s a fact that it has affected my entire life. It’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation — but THAT is not an excuse to dismiss the conversations that need to happen about how we can make society a better place for people of all neurodivergent varieties, and not just “normal” individuals.
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For more than two decades I grew up "normal." By those standards, I have been very lazy and weird. I grew very depressed. It was not quick or easy, but I integrated my diagnosis with my personal history and it fits very well. Presently, it is much easier for me now to be kind to myself. I can seek accommodations without feeling like an imposter. I think it's great that you reached out about this topic. I hope you find what you need.
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No. Just because you've been asigned a label for some behavior doesn't mean it goes away or that anything has changed. You're just more aware and are equipped with information to help you navigate through life more efficiently. However, what medication does to you is entirely different, as it is also very subjective.