Cooking advice

Carbon monoxide, my favorite seasoning

be sure to fill that baby alllll the way up before dropping the bird in from about counter-height.

Get a pot of water ready for any flare ups!

I've heard they're best when cooked from frozen

If your oil is a bit too hot toss in some ice cubes

To shreds you say?

Just go ahead and call the fire department now. It'll save everyone time.

I like how you're taking precautions by making sure your floor doesn't get damaged from the oil splatter. Great job!

I have several drunken and glib responses ranging from actual seasoning advice to something about the season of the witch. How-the-fuck-ever.....

Run. Just fucking run. Neighbors? Kids? Whatever. Run.

I suggest a nice marinade

I'm just so glad all the comments have such useful advice for folks. I second the tips suggesting throwing it in frozen and adding more water when things get spicy.

Just a pinch of a fire truck on standby should do the trick.

Gasoline

Monoammonium phosphate

Seasoning?

Monoammonium phosphate in a Class B shaker.