Them: removed

Me: don’t be so jelly 💅

math teacher

He’s actually a guy and he’s a meth teacher.

I no longer say things like “Miss Lindsey Graham can take it in the ass as often as she likes and she puts the ‘smart’ in ᴅᴜᴍ sᴘɪʀᴏ sᴘᴇʀᴏ”, because I’m a good person.

Eh?

Bigfoot footage vibes: an expression that says that this is not the part of nature you’re supposed to see

Is it noisy like putting away dishes when you turn over?

About 160lbs of aluminum

safe for work

Where do you work??

I was like 9 before they told me procreation didn’t involve a woman’s belly button.

It took a while to load on my phone and the longer it took the bigger my hope and smile. Big relentless reward now.

“when I come home at night, and dinner’s not ready, I go through the roof” —Donald

Oh fuck. Gutted. Touché.

Is Elon’s left shoe bigger? Did he order “what the President’s having”?

Except for the illegal from Africa

(No one is illegal. Your family crossed hundreds of borders without papers. Borders aren’t helping me. Especially if Musks are in the United States and 2Pac’s mom is not.)

Oh no — what happened?

Thank you. We see Americans out here complaining about their abusive relationships with their presidents but no one willing to leave our ultimate Abuser.

I have yet to say “meh” when children are raped or “meh” when I give them cancer. I should be running this bitch.

Are all paisleys fractals?

“How dare she not invite me to her wedding? I thought the BLT community was all about inclusion!” —someone to me, once, pretty much

It’s how I got my office an amazing deal on Arch Enterprise